....
....[ISI] Pupster
....[ISI] EonTopaz
....[ISI] TimChgo9
....[ISI] Prophet
....[ISI] ls/knight
....[ISI] Muzzleflash
....[ISI] Demlar
....shaneborn926
....kingsmen777
....-IcE-DthbyMnkys6
My Testimony, He was always there - [ISI] Pupster
This is kinda long sorry but its what came out
I had a pretty normal childhood up till the age of 12 that was kind of the beginning and the end for me, the beginning of going down a very bad road, and the end of my childhood.
I lived with my mother and stepfather, a stepfather who really didn’t care for me so the FATHER in my life wasn’t there.
On my way home from the school bus stop on the first day of school I met a man sitting on his front porch working on a RC Plane, WOW that was cool I had never scene anything like it before. He asked me if I wanted to help him with it, everyday after school I would run over to his house, well after about two weeks it turned bad, for about a year and 9 months he sexually molested me getting more and more violent as time went on. He had pictures of my family and told me if I said anything he would kill them, hey I believed him I was 12 what did I know. I don’t need to get into details here just to say he ended up hurting me pretty bad towards the end, broken arm, bruises on most of my body, I think he would have killed me in the end, but I needed to stop it so I just stopped going over the house. That didn’t sit well with him and he met me at the bus stop one day followed me down the street yelling at me to get in the car, driving backwards down the street not looking were he was going he backed out into an intersection and a city bus plowed into him, pushing his car around a light pole, I watched him die in front of me, a vision that took 25 years to get rid of. I never told a single person in my life what happened including my parents, for 25 years, I had nightmares every time I closed my eyes and that led to a life of just plain ugly.
Q. #1 Were was God when I needed him??
During High school I got into DRUGS heavy cocane, Heroin, pills, drinking developing a bad addition to all, after school I worked anywhere I could off and on, partying a lot getting in trouble, till I woke up one night after a long hard use of heroin with a shotgun in my face and a room full of cops, I guess me and some friends got into a big fight with some gang members almost killed some of them and got into a wreck chasing them in the car but left the front bumper at the scene with the plate attached. I spent the next three weeks handcuffed to a bed with no drugs no nothing prolly the most painful three weeks of my life, now days they have other drugs to help bring you off the addiction but not back then just cold turkey.
Q. #2 why was GOD letting me go through this???
Well I got off the drugs and stuff but then I had to face the judge, I was given the choice of JAIL for 10 years or the military, well I chose the military and after the first interview with the recruiter they brought in some guys in black suits, Lets just say they liked the fact that I didn’t care if I lived or died or not much of anything effected me, so I got drug into the intelligence gathering community as a “contractor” Not RAMBO type stuff, I would be assigned to “watch someone” or monitor activity to and from a location report it and they used it for whatever.
I wrote programs that monitored network traffic and on occasion I had to go in and clean up messes left behind. I spent a lot of time in the Middle East China, South America, and many other countries you prolly never heard of, I was in Iraq before the first war allover that area up till the second war. Spent a lot of time in china in and around Hong Kong, I’ve been in some of the ugliest places they have to offer, I’ve scene some pretty dark things, some of the worst things the Devil has to offer. Towards the end I started getting asked to do things I didn’t like so I started to get out of it all. I am not proud of anything i did in those times and i did do some awfull stuff but thats a hole other testimony prolly left to PMs But I am forgiven and i spend most of my life trying to repay for it.
Q. #3 Were is GOD now???
With that I left the work and tried to start over kind of turned into a hermit so to speak, I really started to gain a lot of weight went from about 165 in really good shape to 380 in no time all this time I never looked for GOD you see the answer to those three Q’s above is he was there I just didn’t look for him, I just didn’t ask for his help, Jesus wasn’t in my life in fact I kind of hated god for all the crap I had gone through in my life.
NOW IN STEPS THE HOLY SPIRIT
Well I met my Wife and everything started to change at that point, she wanted to go to church she wanted me to get involved in church, she new what I needed, HIM, I was still having the nightmares, every time I closed my eyes I dreamed, I relived the abuse over and over for 25 years, I kind of got used to it I had shut it away deep inside and held it and it was eaten me away from the inside out but I never asked God to take it just thought it would be there forever. We started going to a church on Sundays more for her I thought jus to make her happy, Well a play came to our church called Heavens gates and hells flames, its about what happens after you die are you in the book??? Will he say good work??? All about that, (the same play that will bring my tattoo artist to HIM later), well I was run over by the holy spirit when I saw the actor carrying the cross, it hit home, for the first time ever I started crying, now you have to understand till that moment I have never Cried since the age of 12 NEVER once, things just never got to me, I’ve scene some really ugly things happen to people but NEVER was brought to tears but for some reason this brought me to my knees and I started crying, from the opening act till the end, at the end they did the call, I went forward and asked Jesus into my heart and I was saved.
I went home that night wiped out, went to sleep and had the worst dreams ever I relived it all over again every detail of my past it was horrible I woke up the next morning scared to death WHAT WENT WRONG, I asked Jesus into my heart and the devil jumped in, what did I do wrong????? I needed to go back and try again the play was running for 5 nights so I still had a chance. Well I called in to work sick I was wiped out went up stairs to nap before church. I said the first prayer I have ever said in my life other then asking HIM into my heart, so I guess that was the second. I just asked him to show me what I did wrong how to fix this, please help me to see him, I went to sleep and slept for 4 hours. I got up went in to shower before church, took a long shower a real long shower that’s an important detail to note, you see a lot of the things the man did to me when I was 12 were in the shower so when I showered I got in and out real fast I just had a real hard time showering, well this shower lasted about 45 min. I got out grabbed my towel and FELL to my knees, you see I just noticed that for the first time in 25 years I slept without dreaming, I really mean that, THE FIRST TIME in 25 years no dreams no nightmares no waking up in a sweat just SLEEP I took a shower and for the first time in 25 years I just felt the water on my face I didn’t see his face the face of that man doing all those awful things to me, just the feel of the water YES I started crying again.
I went to church that night to see the play again and met my wife there, I leaned over and whispered in her ear “I didn’t dream today” She fell into my lap and started crying she knew what happened she knew what HE did for me.
You have to understand this hole time I never once asked for him to remove the dreams I never even mentioned any of it in my prayers it never crossed my mind that he could do that I just asked for him to help me to be a better man for my wife and for him
But he gave me what I didn’t ask for, HE knew what I needed, and I haven’t had a single nightmare since not one. That was five years ago!!!
After that my health started to go down hill because of the weight 5’8” and 380lbs can take its toll, but for the first time in my life I knew HE would help.
The doc said if I didn’t loose the weight I had five years at the most, I prayed HARD for an answer, about three weeks later a friend from south America told me about a doctor down there who did the weight loss surgery, you see ins. Doesn’t pay for it and its very expansive here in the states, 1/3 the cost there, GOD provided the money the doc and two years ago I went, the first thing the Doc said to me was “I pray before every surgery” GOD has given me another gift.
I’m 185lbs now and in perfect health
Well God answered those Q’s without me asking
A.#1, #2, #3 He was there helping me to go to a place deep inside me, away from the pain and the stuff that was happening to me, you know the place, the holy spirit lives there in all of us , down in your GUT, the place you stuff all those hurts, all that anger you store, all that pain you put up with HE is there holding it and healing it waiting for YOU to Deal with it then he helps you to confront it and cast it away!! Praise HIM!!
Please if your wandering were GOD is in your life close your eyes go deep you will find him there waiting for you he is always there!!
Bless you all for the friendship you give me everyday
Rob
My continuing Testimony - [ISI] EonTopaz
Ok, this is a lot longer then I meant for it to be, blame it on the fact that I have a degree in History. If you want the cliffnotes version, then read the first and last paragraphs.
I've been a Christian for as long as I can remember. I gave my heart to Jesus at around age 4; my Mom led me to Christ then. When my brothers and I were growing up, my Mom was involved with CEF, Child Evangelism Fellowship, and once a week during the school year she hosted a "Good News Club" at our house for the neighborhood kids. She would share Bible stories using flannel-graphs, Missionary stories from illustrated books, lead us in songs, and at the end she would give an invitation. One week my best friend went up to see her to accept Christ, and I went with him. According to my Mom when she asked me what I was doing there I told her I wanted to accept Christ too. She says she was skeptical, but after leading my friend, she grilled me about everything involved in being a Christian and what it meant, and I answered it all correctly. So she believed my sincerity and led me in the sinner's prayer. (Incidentally, both of my brother's came to Christ the same way, about the same age.)
So I grew up a Christian in a Christian home. Mom and Dad always took us to Church, we always prayed at meals, and when we did something wrong we would get the typical spankings or lectures or other punishment, and the not so typical "You need to confess your sins to God" speech (not so typical in that most kids didn't get that from their parents). So because of this I know quite a bit about what's in the Bible, both stories and lessons, even if I can't quote the verse reference, and I have a pretty good sense of guilt when I sin (sometimes a very over-developed sense of guilt).
The one thing I didn't have growing up was a daily quiet time. I only prayed when I was in trouble and I didn't read my Bible. I did get involved in our Church Youth Group when I was in High School, unfortunately I was also starting to do some more worldly things too. My language had gotten pretty bad (outside of my parents hearing) and I did not have much control over my sex drive; I wasn't having relations with anyone, but I was having a lot of fantasies about girls I knew. My Senior year of HS I did become more sexually involved with my girl friend, to the point that we eventually had pre-marital sex. Now do you remember the previously mentioned sense of guilt? Well it started to get pretty over-developed during this time. I had a several other "girl friends" during my Freshman year of College, to the point that I was even cheating on one or more of them at the same time, until March 12, 1990. That day (my birthday) I was walking out of my dorm room and down a hill, looked across my college campus (North Georgia College, Dahlonega, GA) and marveled at the beauty of the day that God had created. I started to pray that day. Not to get out of trouble, but just to talk to God, and I ended up praying daily to God for the rest of my days in College. I also started to clean my act up.
I was in an ROTC program, and that summer after my Freshman year I went to Airborne School and stopped cursing (I was convinced that if I didn't God would not let me survive). During my Sophomore year I got involved in our Baptist Student Union, going to Bible Studies and fellowshipping with Christians. After one Bible study our campus minister was giving a talk and said something completely unrelated to the study, but necessary for me. He said: "If there is anything standing between you and God, you need to get rid of it". At that point, I heard the voice of God, plain as day, and it said "MUSIC". You see I listened to all sorts of secular rock and roll during this time, and the one thing that all secular music has in common is that every artist out there (rock, rap, country, etc) sings about pre-marital sex, and all that junk was messing me up. So that night, with the help of some friends, I destroyed all the music I had.
The rest of College was a great experience. I went on two spring break missions trips and two summer mission trips, I had a great walk with the Lord, and I became engaged to a good Christian woman. We married two days after we graduated and I received my Commission in the Army.
Married life was great and all that my parents warned me it would be: Hard Work. I was determined to make it work though, and my wife and I started off with quiet times and we always went to Church. Unfortunately my QT's fell off quickly due to my schedule and I never got them restarted for years. Secondly, that high-sex drive that I mentioned earlier was still with me and during certain times when my wife and I couldn't be together I would fantasize about past girl friends. This went on for years. Add to that the rise of the internet, and the easy availability of pornography.
God continued to bless us though, despite my personal failings. I had good assignments, we stayed relatively healthy, He gave us two beautiful daughters, we had good Christian friends and Churches. As other's have stated in their testimonies "He was always there".
About 4 1/2 years ago, I made a fateful decision. I decided that I was bored with certain aspects of my marriage and I was going to look outside of it for fulfillment. Over the next 4 years I met several different people; some of them once, some of them several times. About the same time, I also started having suicidal ideations; I would plan and prepare for how to kill myself but not actually attempt it. Crashing my car at high speed (not an effective technique usually), overdosing on OTC or prescription meds (also not too effective) or slicing my wrists open, these were the methods I prepared to use. No one suspected this was going on either due to all of the "Suicide Prevention" classes that I had received over the years. I knew how to hide my problem and I told myself that I could fix it.
On July 26th, 2006, I was sitting at my desk at work, holding a knife in my hand, thinking about how I needed to cut lengthwise down my arm in order to "do it right". That day I had broken off a relationship with another woman that I had fallen for, I was fighting with my wife, I was feeling very guilty over the life I had been living, and I was convinced that I did not have anyone that I could talk to that wouldn't condemn me and shun me forever for the way that I had been living my life. I stopped when I realized that I would get blood all over the carpet, and my Colonel (who was in Iraq at the time, I was the Rear Detachment Commander) would have to deal with a ruined carpet when he got back. One of my Soldiers saw that I was very out of sorts, she reported to another, who came in to talk to me and I told them I was ready to kill myself. This got the wheels going. That night a Chaplain took me to the hospital and I stayed there for 5 days. The first day there I tried to kill myself again, but was interrupted. That night I broke down crying while my wife visited me and I talked on the phone to my Mom. The next morning, I was not suicidal anymore. I confessed everything to my wife and to God, talked to some guys at my Church who became my accountability partners, and stopped running from God.
Now I'm in on the mend, six months and counting. I'm working at keeping a daily quiet time going (had to do, work in progress, not going to give up), I'm seeing two different counselors (one for sex addiction, one for the suicidal behavior) and my wife and I see a Chaplain for marriage counseling. Where I was is not someplace that I ever want to be again, though Satan has tried to drag me back there.
My Colonel from Iraq decided that I didn't need to be an Officer anymore; at one point he wanted to Court Martial me for my behavior, but an Army Lawyer (who is a Christian and a friend of mine) talked him down to offering me either an administrative separation or to resign. After a bit of prayer and counsel from my Father, I took the resignation. In hindsight I can see that God has wanted me out of the Army for a while, I was just too busy running from him to see that.
So now I'm getting out at the end of May and am looking for work. I know God has something and someplace for me, and right now I am content to see all of the possibilities that he's made and wait for him to say "This One".
So my lessons to share with you are simple. Have a daily time with God. Have a filter on your computer that a friend installs for you so you can't change the settings. Don't listen to secular music (not even for nostalgia's sake, don't do it). Have an accountability partner. And finally, there is always someone you can take your problems to.
God Bless.
Sean
God is always there, it seems... - [ISI]TimChgo9
Sometimes, I can't get over it... just when it seems the rope has run out, God winds up coming along, and making things better....
After reading everyone's testimonies here, I was moved, and inspired. Even in my own life, it is amazing to me how the Lord makes things better, even the small things. I have several instances in my life where prayers were answered, and I will attest to that... it wasn't a coincidence, or an accident, but it was the power of Prayer, and the workings of our Lord that brought on the changes....
I have spent alot of years struggling, trying to get my life in some semblance of order (no drugs, no alcohol, nothing like that....I just was completely lacking any judgement or common sense) I am getting there, a little at a time. I have been through 2 failed marriages, I am the father of 5 wonderful kids (one lives with me, the others, with their respective moms) And, the fallout from the marriages (especially that 2nd one) created a bunch of problems with my family, which are getting better, but like everything else it is taking time.
It has been the strength that the Lord has given me to get through all of this, and work a high stress job. I was a 9-1-1 Operator for a very busy Police Department in one of the worst suburbs in the Chicago area... I regularly prayed that I would get out of there, but after 18 months of disappointments, I was beginning to become resigned to the fact that I was going to remain in that madhouse for ever...... Then one day,after a particularly stressful Saturday at work (I worked 3-11 shift) I felt I could go no further, and I with my head in my hands, I muttered "Please Lord, just get me out of here....) After that, I was strengthened to continue the last couple of hours of the shift, and managed to make it through the next two days... On that 2nd day, my son called me at work, and said. "Hey, Dad, guess who called?" I asked who it was and he said. "Well remember that fire department you applied to? Well, they called, and want to set up and interview" Figuring he was playing a prank, I got a little angry, and told him not to mess with me...at which point, he took the phone to the answering machine and played the message back..... The relief and the hope I felt were nothing short of miraculous.... I had applied at that fire department in November of the previous year (it was the beginning of this past April when they called) and never heard anything from them. A month and a half later, I was hired, and was able to leave the madhouse behind. I went from working 3-11pm, 6 days on 2 off, to working 6am to 6pm, 4 days on/4 days off. In addition, this job had the schedule, benefits, and all of the other things that I had been praying for...... I remember getting frustrated, when over the previous 18 months, I had been rejected from 10 other places, and began to doubt my very self.... When Jesus who had been listening all along, had delivered me to the place HE wanted me in... not the one I wanted to be in. And, looking back now, I realize that this is where I belong, and I couldn't be happier. The stress level is about 1 tenth of the old job, and I get more rest at home, and more time with my son..... It's wonderful.
God delivers in time..... His time, and no other..
Sometimes, thats just the way it is... - [ISI] Prophet
Have you ever noticed how God sometimes takes us through things that we never really asked for, or wanted any part of?
I wasn't brought up in a christian family. My wife was, but i wasn't. I became a christian when I was 19 (34 now), and if I'm honest it was because I had nothing else to hold onto or hope for.
After leaving school, joining the army, leaving the army, and then finding myself on the streets of Coventry, West Midlands I kind of thought that I had hit rock bottom. My mother had just passed away with heart failure, and I hadnt spoken to my father in about 4 years. I was very much alone, with nothing positive in my life.
I spent the next 3 years sleeping in hostels, bed & breakfasts, the local YMCA, and the salvation army hostel...anything I could do to find a bed to sleep in, and get food inside me. I couldn't get a job because I was so scruffy and had no experience except that in the army...it was all very hopeless.
I remember one particular night, when i was supposed to meet a friend of mine to sleep on his couch, that I couldn't find where he lived...it was late and I didnt have his number. it was a very loose arrangement, but I would have taken anything. Anyway, because i couldn't find him, I took my sleeping bag and found an alleyway to sleep in. I was as cold as I could get...then it started snowing...I knew that I had hit rock bottom. Whilst i never really thought of suicide as an option, I'm very surprised that I didnt find myself trying to end it all...things were so bad!
After that night, I decided that i would grab all my wordly belongings (which filled 2 black bin liners) and hitched it across country to find my sister. She was married to a serviceman and, whilst i didnt really get on with her, it really couldn't be any worse than where i was.
I found her eventually, and spent a couple of weeks at her home. On one particular day, we had an argument, and she said something along the lines of "You're such a sad case why dont you go and phone the Samaritans". Me being as stubborn as I was decided that I would do just that. I talked to them for a long time, explaining that i wasn't suicidal, but homeless. Suddenly, the lady said something which changed my life. I should mention at this point that i met a samaritan later on in life, and she explained that the samaritans are NEVER allowed to help people...they are just there to listen to the caller...
...anyway, back to my story. The lady on the phone asked me for the phonebox number and that she would call me back. I rang off and waited. A couple of minutes later, the lady rang me back and explained that she knew of a mens hostel that had a bed free, and that I should go and see the man there. She had booked me an appointment and all I needed to do is get there. This, I did.
That is the mens hostel where I gave my life to the Lord!
I look back now, much older and wiser. I have a beautiful wife and 3 kids. I am very blessed indeed. I have learnt many lessons along this journey that God has called me to. It's not always easy for us...few things in life worth having are easy!
However, this I know with all my heart...God is good. He is good all the time to us. His plan is to see us prosper and not be harmed. His plan is to give us a hope and a future, and to see his children do well.
I take hold of this every day. I thank God that I am a man of God, a royal priesthood, holy and devoted to God. There is nothing outside of God that i really want
I count myself truly blessed, as any man in my position would. He has taken an empty shell of a person, and filled that vessel with love, compassion, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and self-control.
I echo the words of the disciples, who said "Where else can we go Lord? who else has the words of eternal life?" God has pretty much wrecked me for anything else.
Where else would I go?
ls/knight's testimony - [ISI]ls/knight
I guess my testimony is one where when I was a kid, I didn't believe much in my self at all. A teacher in the third grade caused me to not think that I couldn't learn. From then on tell Highschool I didn't believe in my self at all in areas. I have herd in here some teens have it kind of rough with school and all. I do remember my self how rough it was. At that time in my life, I was very much a loner. I didn't enjoy being around to many teens. So I stayed on a ranch and kept to my self. I can even remember my first year out of highschool. I went to a votech and my first semester or nine weeks actually, I was put on acidemic probation. It wasn't that I wasn't trying, but I had one heck of a time learning and, I would even tape the teacher's lectures. I had straight F's. The only good thing that did happen that year was after that academic probation, I was made to get a tooter. First guy that helped me, was able to help me to at least make D's and that got me through the first semester. Then the next guy that came along helped me after the 1st semester helped me to make C's. He had to leave and finally a guy in my class helped me the rest of the year and I started to get A's and B's on all the rest of my tests. I made a B- at the end of the year, and I was starting to feel better about my self. Well that summer after I was out my first year from this vocational school, I started to work at a super market and things just went down hill there, But one good thing did happen I met the Lord and asked him into my heart. I gave my life to Jesus in Aug. of that year about 21 years ago. I was 19 years of age. I had grown up a Methodist but didn't care for church because in my mind it was to to boring. Then that summer as I was working at this super market. God started to tug on my heart. I can remember like the lord was telling me that I should like goto bible school and the funny part of that was, I hadn't even ever read the bible. I can also remember walking out to gather some carts up to bring back into the store, and looking up into the sky and feeling like Jesus was telling me he was coming back soon. It was more like an impression than a voice, and I just stood there and kind of laughed to my self because I thought the summer day was getting to me and I was just emgining it. Well about a month later, when I herd a TV preacher teaching and talking about Jesus coming back, that really opened my eyes. Then that day that I had herd the preacher, my parents invited me to a baptist church. So I went. that was just the beggining of my self coming to know the lord. It wasn't tell about the 2nd week of Aug. that I gave my life to the lord. the funny part was no one asked me if I new him as lord and savior. I first thought back in 1985 that know one could know if they were going to heaven only if you did right in Gods eyes, you would make it. It wasn't tell another person that was working at the super market let me read this book about the end times and it scared me. I finally had to know if all of what I believed was real. If I did right or was there something else. Before that time, about a month before my dad was saved and started going to these Full gospel business mens breakfasts. Well from that time to that night I finally realized that I needed to know for my self if there was away to know if I could be saved. No one had ever really told me the sinners prayer. I ended up going to my dad and finally asked him if there was anything more to salvation than just doing right things. He led me to the lord that night. My life really began that night. everything that was wrong in my life started to change, somethings have taken 20 years to change while other things, changed over night. the biggest thing I noticed was an excitedness about talking about Jesus and reading his word. I went to a bible school and really was blessed to read the word. I wasn't ashamed of the good news either, but in my own mind the only thing I saw before that night was that, I had to do right and be good and I that was the big lie. From then on, In bible school I made really good grades. about 7 years after that I went to a jr college and took almost everything I needed to get an assoicates degree. I basically had to start at the very beginning with spelling words. I wasn't even good at english or writing papers. but through that I learned more and pretty much made a B average there. through this whole testimony, If theres some of you that are in this clan that feel so down and out and like nothing will ever change, believe me I know the feeling my self, and things have gotten better. I just hope that this testimony will incourage everyone that reads it. I know its not anything like the other testimonys but its one that Jesus reached down to my self that honestly at onetime I didn't believe in my self at all. I think the whole goal of the Devil in my life was to try and get me to commit suicide. about Ten years ago I didn't try, but for a foolish period of time, I really started to day dream about it. And then the lord really got a wholed of me and basically told me how selfish. If you did that in the future, people that might need your help or your incourage meant won't receive it from you, they'll be left with out something you could of done to allow them to see that life is worth living and there's a God in heaven that really loves you. I hope this makes sense. Some times I can not explain things very well. In my mind i can see it making sense but that is still one area that I have a struggle with.
About my life - [ISI] Muzzleflash
I am 32, have a beautiful wife, four loving cats, a business, a few guitars, a house, and a couple of trucks. I look at all of this stuff and I know that I am blessed. Why this matters, is that I spent a lot of my life being torn down by the people that were supposed to matter the most. I came out of high school with negative self-esteem, and the next 5-6 years after came with a lot of pain because of the choices I made.
I grew up with an angry father who didn't really care about much in life. He drank, smoked, cussed, and really didn't try to have a relationship with me. He beat my mom and myself. We moved around a lot because he was a salesman. I was born in Ontario, Canada. Moved around to miscellaneous cities in B.C. Moved to Washington when I was 7, and eventually to Portland, OR (where I reside) when I was 10. Making friends was hard because I never lived more than a year in one place until Portland.
When I was 14, my dad died of cancer. At the time it destroyed me. I was a smart kid, but always found myself in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was labeled a trouble child in most schools because my third grade teacher had it out for me, and used to stick me in a dark closet during class for several hours at a time. My parents were never able to convince the principal that this was happening, and thus 'troublemaker' followed me all the way through high school.
When I was 15, my mom could see that I was not happy in public school and put me in a Christian school. It was small, but it was more my speed. I made friends, played soccer and basketball (lettered in both), and learned how to play the guitar. However, my mom never put things together for herself after my dad passed away. She became very angry at life, and I was discovering how to be really angry myself. We didn't get along too well. All of the chaos from the early years in life was starting to catch up with me. I became very sensitive and I use to get in fights all of the time when people would make jokes at my expense. This carried on into my mid-20's.
At 18, though, I had some friends that went to a Christian youth camp as counselors, and they convinced me that I needed to go. I went because they were my friends, but that week changed my life. People were witnessing the kids, and about mid-week I broke down because I was there as a fraud. My two best friends found me absolutely bawling on the dirt outside behind some bushes, and that night I gave my heart to God.
Time went by, and even though I was a Christian, I started to question all of things that had happened to me in my life. At 21, I was working at a local credit union, and I met a girl who was Mormon. We didn't necessarily see eye to eye religiously, but we started to form a bond. Soon we were having pre-marital sex. My friends were pretty disappointed in me, and they let me have it. So I ran away from them and God for a while, seeking solace in the young woman that I had been dating. She got pregnant 3 months later, and 3 months after that, she left me and disappeared. I was heart-broken, so I used my credit union resources to track her down. This got me fired. She wanted to give up the child for adoption, and I had the crazy notion that I could raise my kid myself. Well, after my daughter was born, the mother disappeared, and I haven't seen either since. It's been 8 years.
I know I'm being long-winded, but God eventually got ahold of me again. He spoke to me in a dream and told me how he had always been with me, and that he always will be with me. I don't know if any of you have had an experience like that, but I woke up crying like I have never cried before. I then realized that him taking away my father actually helped me in life. He also surrounde me with people that helped point me in the right direction. I am 32 now, and I have had to come to terms with my anger towards my parents and the situations that they put me in when I was younger. Today, my wife and I work very hard at having a happy marriage as both of us had horrible role models. We have been in counseling since before we were married, and will continue for years to come. You see, we want to have kids, and I want to be a good dad, and I know now that God will always be there to help me with that.
shanereborn926's testimony - shaneborn926
I received a present for Christmas last year (12-05) from a friend at my coffee shop, it was some homemade candy and a christian book. I told her thank you, ate the candy, and threw the book in the backseat of my car. Not knowing that the book would save my life....The next six months were tough. The girl I was seeing at the time got pregnant, moved in with me, and we started our lives together, I thought. We lost the baby, and started to fight all the time. I ended up in jail, and was thrown out of my house for domestic violence (which I didn't do). Here is where the story gets interesting.......I got back in my house and started cleaning out all of her things, i ran across that book, "A Purpose Driven Life". I started reading it. Toward the end of the first chapter, it tells of a man that asks for a sign from god and gets it. It also says god has a plan for you, and without god life has no purpose. At this point in my life I really didn't believe in god, and never really prayed. I closed my eyes and preyed. I begged for a sign that he was real, and that I needed him.
The next day at work I received that sign. I went out to my customer to do his paperwork. He had no arms, two hooks, and couldn't walk well. When I was finishing up with the process, he told me god had a plan for me, exactly what the first chapter of that book was about. It gave me goosebumps. That man was directed to me from god, and helped me start my relationship with Jesus Christ. A few days later I was saved.
Thanks 2Prostetics
I would never have chosen that. - kingsmen777
When I was about Eight I got hit by a car. I was unconciose the ambulance came and took me to the hospital. In fact I dont remember very nuch about it. But shortly after I was sent to New Mexico to live with my Grandparents. I lived there till I was about 14, while all my siblings stayed in california. When I was 11 my 12 yr old sister came out to visit for the summer. It shames me to say we ended up having an insestual realationship. The shame, sorrow, and fear of being found out would haunt me for the next ten years of my life. from then on we distanced ourselves from one another. whenever we were at family events togather we would make it a point to not really talk to each other constantly trying to pretend that it had never happened.
I know what your thinking how can anything good ever come out of that?
honestly I would have never chosen that for my life. I would have chosen an easy sinless life with no trials. with nothing to work through. I've found that God wasn't lieing when he said "ALL things work to the good of those that love the Lord." thats right... all.
God has been good to me when I was 21 my sister was married to a guy who sold and did and had her doing crank. They were moving to Arizona to get away from drug enemies. They were travleing via moble home and had stopped in L.A. spending about 2 weeks in the parkinglot of Wal-Mart. They had met a fellow druggie and loaned to him their 3 yr old son (my nephew) so that he'd look MORE pathetic while asking for money at an on-ramp. The police stoped him and asked abut the little boy in dirty diapers with no clothes and ended up taking him as "ward of the state" to eventually go into the foster seystem. so my brother and I went to L.A. to recover him.
The whole trip I was terrified that through this situation my sin would finally be found out. I had always told myself that if anyone flatout confronted me about it I wouldnt lie. As we were waiting outside the courtroom my brother-in law came over to my brother and I and all the fears I carried for so long were finally coming to pruition. He didn't want us to have get my nephew so he said, "I'm not ganna let you get him. when we get into the courtroom im ganna tell the judge that Cody is a child molester." my heart sank. He went on,"Cody had sex with tammy when she was 12." What could I say in my defence?...
Then came the shortest, moast life changing, and liberating sermon I have ever heard. as my brother looked at me he asked,"is that true?" "Yes.", i said. There I stood self condemed. " How old were you?" he asked. "11."I said. Then from the grace of Christ through the mouth of my brother he turned to my brother in-law and simply said,"that was 10 years ago...he was a kid...get over it."
I promise you that if somthing similar to hasnt happened to you, you can't possible fully understand what I mean when I say,"Instantly I was FREE!" the burden I had carried for nearly half my life was realeased! gone as though forgotton. that afternoon my sister and I talked like we never had. We both aoligized to each other and hev sence built a real brother and sister realationship. I no longer lived in fear. My trial was turned onto testimony, and I was set free in that kind of REAL way that God means for his children to be set free!
No more sorrow
no more shame.
no more pressing
weight of blame.
no more hiding
no more doubt.
no more fear
of being found out.
Ive been set free!!!
Just cause I'm sure by now you want to know how it all ended...we ended up adopting my nephew, my sister got a divorce and has sence been remairried, and is clean and soaber and has regaind parental rights over her son. and we all go to church tgather and my wife knows and her husband knows and we all have moved on to other things in life. but I want to end with this...
Praise god for his wonderfull love. And so my prayer is for others that when YOU go through trials of many kinds, though you can't see the way through it Christ is preparing for you a day when YOU will be overwhelmed with forgiveness! If you couple your faith with action and do the best you can with the knowledge you have to belong to Christ Jesus then the guilty concionse that you carry can be no more. So know that whatever trials you would not have chosen for yourself Christ can and will redeem for his glory. for the Bible says "ALL things work to the good of those that love the Lord." Praise God in Jesus name. Amen.
My Testimony - -IcE-DthbyMnkys6
Ok, so I have promised 2Pro a while ago that I would share my Testimony, and well I finally have the time to do it. And im going to warn you guys, some of this stuff in here might be risque so im sorry if it offends anyone or if some of it should be edited let me know.
I have always grown up knowing Jesus, or at least knowing about Him. My best friends are religious and would take me to church with them every weekend. My parents and I would pray together before eating or in times of need. But other than that, I didnt have a real strong relationship with Christ. Through out elementary school I was doing great! I had wonderful friends, rolemodels and an easy life. After I graduated from elementary, things started changing. I had events take place that pushed me away from Christ. I stopped going to church, didnt think about Him, stopped praying, etc. In the 7th grade I was having problems with people at school. I was considered a "mamas boy", "nerd", "goody-2-shoes". So this is when I started changing my image. I started making new "friends", losing relationships with the friends that mattered. I started hanging with a group of people who were "bad" and "cool" and they were major stoners and perverts. I didnt get into anything bad yet, but my attitude and personailty changed. I didnt make a hard fall/turn until the end of my 7th grade year. This is when my grandmother, who had lived with me and my parents since I was 5 years old, died. I was so close to her, and I was so hard on all of us. We had to watch her suffer, she had leuchemia and it slowly killed her. She had to be taken in once, sometimes twice a week for blood transfusions. Well, anyways, when she died, I stopped caring about everything! I started doing stuff I regret. I got addicted to porn, masturbation, started smoking pot with my brother, started selling porn to my "friends", stopped doing my school work, and eventually started thinking heavily of commiting suicide. I went to a counselor several times to try and get me out of this state of depression. Also, around this time, my brother met a woman, who eventually became his wife, and she had a daughter. I practically raped her. Evertime we saw eachother, we started doing bad things. Then she decided she had enough and threatened me. For about 3-4 years, we didnt really talk. All throughout 8th and 9th grade I was like this. I had the worst relationship with my parents at this point. I almost got into a fist fight with my dad, almost got kicked out of the house, and I was always grounded. It wasnt until 10th grade, when I was put into a Christian school, that I started to realize what I was doing was wrong and that I wanted to change. I started going to lunch with my teachers and having conversations with them about Christ. Finally, at the end of my sophomore year, I accepted Christ as my savior. I remember it well, I was in PE but I didnt do PE because my asthma was bugging me that day. I sat in the PE room and did my bible class homework. Sitting in that empty room, having the time to think to myself, going over my bible notes, I realized the truth. I then gave my life to Christ. And I tell you, since that day, life has been so much better! I have a strong relationship with my parents, I have wonderful friends, I actually care about life. Now, even though I accepted Christ into my life, I still struggled with porn and masturbation. But with Gods help, I am able to slowly stop. Im not as addicted as I was before, but I still struggle with it. I no longer have to see naked women everyday in order to keep that state of happiness? Its hard to explain because it was very much like a drug and I would go through withdrawals if I didnt do it. Since dedicating my life to Christ, I have fixed my relationship with my niece, who I now have a wonderful relationship with. We talk about EVERYTHING, and we get along great! Since the day I was saved, I have been so much happier and the whole that I once had, has been filled. I no longer feel empty or lost or feel the need to get attention. I am perfectly content with everything I have and with everything that is going on.
So thats my testimony, sorry if its confusing in places or if some stuff is jumbled. Some things are fuzzy and I tried to remember the order in which events took place.
My Testomony - [ISI] Demlar
Well, when I was younger my dad and mom had a divorce unfortunately I had no idea what was going on. Of course theres things I've done that I regret. But thats where I turn to god and ask for forgiveness and take my shame. anyways, I turned 16 and my mother and step dad. Pressured me in a corner and I had to make a decision. It was either moving in with my real Dad fully knowing Id have reign there and not have to listen to my mother and step-dad. That's what I did. I called my Mother told her that I'm moving in with my Father and that I'll be over shortly to get my clothes. She locked the doors when I showed up and I went to the back door and my Mom said You're not leaving. I said Mom open the door. She said no and I said Open the door. She said know and something inside me snapped at age 16 I was 6'2 235lbs and raging. I kicked the door so hard it broke the door right off the hinges and flew about 10 feet and hit my mom in the hand and broke her hand. I was unaware of this happening and later found out. My shame of this was horrifying. I then got my clothes and proceed to move out. I start smoking and doing drugs, hang with friends all time of the night. After I was 18 I moved in with my grandma trying to help her out with money etc. I then went to a party and that night changed my life for good. I got distributing a illegal substance and possession. State it was a felony and federal it was a misdamenor (methanphedomine). I took Federal cause I didn't know any better. I also at that time had failed 2 piss tests and lied saying I took some pills but later, told my attorney to forget it. I did do it and they locked me away and threw away the key. In a federal prison for it about a year. I moved around they called it the train. They move inmates a lot so that gangs etc won't try and get them out. I was there a year and found out that 97% of people in the federal system go back. (I am one of those 3%)We all had bunks and my bunkie was a federal inmate that got 25 years or something. He burglarized a house and shot the guy in the back of the head and blew the house up with C4. I told myself after the tough and gritty situation that this wasn't for me.(The lifestyle is nuts, fights over food. walking around with a shank in you're pants waiting to die.)
I then got out and 3 weeks later I find the lady on the internet that ended up being my wife, we both weren't christians at the time. We asked to get married and My Mom told us to go to this guys house and see if we could get married from him(though it was a ploy to try and get us well me anyway back to christ.) He said sorry, you guys don't have enough understanding for me to marry you guys and turned us away. So we went and got married by the Judge. 2 months later we talked about going to church and decided to do it. We went every Sunday and eventually got saved, after that we got baptised this was something I had to do to show christ that I do listen and worship him. She also got baptised. After that, we had some trials and eventually decided we wanted another kid. I told her okay. So we tried we went to our first appointment after finding out she was pregnant and got an ultra-sound. the doctor wasn't her normal doctor he was very cold. he looked straight at her and said the babies dead. Took off his gloves and said we need to get you in and have a D & C and walked out of the room. We were devastated. We waited and prayed and decided to try again about 3 months later She got pregent again and we ended up getting worried because she started to spot or something close to that. We ended up in the hospital. This time we decided to keep her pregenancy a secret. and told them after 3 months of being pregent this was before the hostpital visit. we went in and they told us that she's only 7 weeks old. basically she had 3 miscarriages besides the one in between the 3 month we tried and waited. So, she's pregenant again and it took us 1 1/2 years to get us this far. after the 2nd miscarriage the doctors told us we'd have a 25% chance of having a baby at all. the 7 week old turned out that we had him. The week he was born God was at work. He made sure that we had him healthy and that we picked a good name for him lol. We called him Corban, Later we found out the it's in mark 7:11 basically a gift from God. We just started weeping. God delivered us a baby. My a whole life since marriage God has lead not only me but my whole family to Christ. It was much like Facing the Giants and I was the head coach. So many issues etc and through it all God prevailed.